I Get By With a Little Help From My Friends

Earlier this week, I found myself humming the Beatles’ familiar refrain: “I get by with a little help from my friends.”

The song came to mind because dear friends from Toronto flew to Nashville for a business trip. Since they love country music, they brought their children along to turn this into a mini vacation. They asked if I could meet them halfway for dinner because we had not seen one another in quite some time.

At first, I hesitated.

After a very early morning and a full day of work, I was not eager to spend two hours driving. I also hoped to make more progress unpacking boxes at home.

Then I realized I was focusing more on my to-do list than on what truly mattered.

Opportunities to be together are rare, and these friends are extraordinary. They are kind, thoughtful, and go out of their way to stay connected, no matter how many miles separate us. They inspire me to live more purposefully, make healthier choices, think more deeply, and strive to be a better friend to those around me.

The boxes could wait.

Friendships cannot.

Relationships must be nurtured, tended, and cherished because none of us knows what tomorrow will bring.

So I made the drive to dinner at The Smoke House Patio on top of Monteagle Mountain, about an hour from Chattanooga.

As I drove home, I reflected on this beautiful secular teaching about the blessing of friendship:

“The people we surround ourselves with either raise or lower our standards. They either help us become the best version of ourselves or encourage us to become lesser versions of ourselves. We become like our friends. No man becomes great on his own. No woman becomes great on her own. The people around them help to make them great. We all need people in our lives who raise our standards, remind us of our essential purpose, and challenge us to become the best version of ourselves.” (Matthew Kelly, The Rhythm of Life).

His words reminded me of this week’s Torah portion, Eikev, which teaches that life is sustained by far more than our physical needs. In Deuteronomy 8:3 we read: “One does not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of the Eternal.” (Deuteronomy 8:3).

Of course, we need food, water, and shelter. The Torah reminds us, however, that human beings also hunger for purpose, meaning, relationships, and the presence of God.

Modern philosopher Martin Buber suggests, in his seminal work “I and Thou”, that in every interaction we have a choice: to view others as fellow humans with whom we share the basic essence of life, or as things: pawns to be moved, scenery for our dramas, obstacles in our way, or competitors to be vanquished. When we view others as fellow humans, God dwells within those relationships.

Buber is elaborating on a medieval teaching by Abraham Ibn Ezra (Medieval Spanish rabbi, commentator, and scientist) who explains our Torah text by saying that humans are sustained by what emanates from the heavenly spheres, and these emanations are spiritual in nature.

How might we understand this today? Perhaps we, too, emanate from those heavenly spheres, carrying within us a spark of the Divine. Perhaps we sustain one another through our relationships with each other and with God. Is there a spiritual energy that emanates from heaven, one which we must seek if we are to be sustained, to thrive, and not merely survive?

What are your thoughts?

For me, I get by with a little help from my friends, my family, my congregational community, the greater community, and, above all, God.

As we begin counting down the weeks until the Yamim Nora’im, the High Holy Days, may each of us reflect on what truly sustains us. Who are the people who help us become our best selves? How do we nurture those relationships? Where do we encounter God’s presence in the people who walk beside us?

May we invest in the relationships that nourish our souls, strengthen our spirits, and help us not merely survive, but truly thrive.

Shabbat Shalom!

Rabbi Sharon L. Sobel